Day 56 ~ Born to be Alive

Born to be Alive

As I sit here looking at a blank page, I ask myself what should I say and how am I going to share our story?

It isn’t a happy uplifting story. It is about depression, resulting in the loss of our beautiful son Evan Daniel Carrow by suicide September 9, 2008.

I will begin by telling you about Evan…

Evan Daniel Carrow a.k.a. “Evan from Heaven” was the light of our life, our true gift from God.

He was smart, funny, serious, sensitive, giving, artistic, and curious about Faith.  Yes, he had many questions about God &Religion. He asked me,” Mom how can you have so much Faith when there are so many bad things happening to good people?” Four years ago when he asked me that question I didn’t know how to answer him. Today I do.  I would say, “Evan at age 17 it is hard to know these things when you haven’t lived long enough to learn it and develop a strong Faith in someone or something that you cannot see or touch. You just need to believe.”  All I said that day was, “You just need to believe.” I understand today that was too generic of an answer, he needed more guidance.

One month later Evan took his own life. All those clues he was giving us about his struggle with depression went misunderstood. Because he was so smart, loving and giving we didn’t truly see his struggle. We, like so many others thought that he was just like any other teen. He had ups and downs just like we did at his age. We would share our own growing experiences whenever he needed help with a problem and gave him the love, guidance and reassurance we thought would help fix the problem.

We learned that was not enough but not until it was too late.

After Evan left us by suicide we knew that we wanted to spare anyone else of the pain and loss we will go through the rest of our lives.

With the help of our sister Nancy Carrow we approached Avera Marshall Foundation with the idea of establishing the “Tribute to Evan Carrow Fund” to help educate the community about depression and suicide. A partnership which involved Marshall High School, Avera Marshall Psychiatry Associates, Avera Marshall Behavioral Health Center and Western Mental Health Center brought together a focus group of Marshall High School students.

Our goal became a reality when this group formed the “Born to Be Alive”. The teens created the name of the group and designed the logo for the T-shirt. That was just the beginning; all involved also campaigned and organized their first community event in April 2009. It was a success and is being done annually. Their goal was to reach out to encourage teens to seek help if they are having struggles. Also to educate family and friends to know the signs of depression so they can recognize if a loved one is suffering from this disease.  It is so important to teach others to understand that people don’t choose to suffer with depression any more than they choose to suffer from any other disease or illness. Depression is real and can lead to suicide if not treated.

After we lost Evan I myself refused to get myself help with my own depression. I told myself if I didn’t recognize the seriousness of my own son’s depression it wouldn’t be fare to get myself help. I was very wrong. With time I realized that I couldn’t fix myself and that I needed medical help besides the love and guidance of all who love me.

The next four years many things happened to help light my way. The “Born to Be Alive” group was formed, we were able to get a Teen Screen Program into the Marshall Schools, and teachers were being trained to recognize the signs of depression in the students, and many other things.

There is a new store in town,” Italy Ava’s”. Wow! This was my kind of store. The shop keeper is so kind and has so many awesome things to sell.  I found that the best thing that Laura ever sold me was her unconditional love and friendship. When I look into her eyes I don’t see pity or judgment, I see pure honesty. Laura offered to help us sell our T-Shirts to help raise awareness of teen depression and suicide and to stop the stigma of depression. The support she gives me is amazing. Also a percent of each shirt sold goes into the” Evan Carrow Fund” so we can continue with our promise that we made to Evan to keep learning, helping and educating others of the disease of depression.

September is Suicide Prevention month but to us it is our way of life everyday. We must maintain healthy lives year round. It is important too understand that long before suicidal thoughts occur, feelings of helplessness, failure or lack of belonging sets in. Depression is treatable and suicide is preventable with the help of therapy, medications, family, friends and Faith.

We want to celebrate Evans life because there is so much more to our beautiful son than only to be remembered for how he died. When you look at the photo below of our three sons’, Joshua, Evan and Trenton please smile because that is how we remember the day this photo was taken… a snowy blissful day.

Thank you for reading one “Page” of our story. I found that there is not enough paper, or I am just not ready to write a whole chapter yet… Shannon Carrow